I’ve been thinking a lot lately about if my work is important enough to me that I push through the way it seems like so many around me feel that I should. I have so many opportunities right now to succeed in, though I am very frequently left remembering the sort of student I was no more than two semesters ago. I’m doing well, and I’m very thankful for that fact. However, I spend more and more time at home studying, writing, coding, and gym-climbing, and less in the places I care most about, the Sierras, home in New England, even in the more local wild-ish places like the Santa Cruz Mountains or the East Hills of San Jose.
Things are finally working out academically for me, something for so long I’ve never been able to say. While I’m very thankful to see my grades slowly climbing, I’m most thankful to finally be walking out of the shade of the excuses I used to make for my poor performance. I have nothing to brag about, I’m trying to reach par right now. To that regard, I spend so much time thinking about what good enough is, but still will only stop when I’m exhausted and my eyes hurt and I can’t write anymore meaningful words, maybe that’s it. I honestly think that this life I’m slowly travelling towards will leave me wondering about other paths, though I am inclined to think that most people feel that way when they reach a point in their lives of more definite stability.
I am going out in the field tomorrow morning to contribute to a field study on wildfire fuels (glorified hedge trimming) and I’m left pondering why I volunteered to do that rather than go climbing somewhere or go for a bike ride or something like that. Truly, I’ve just sort of settled on something to the effect of, ‘eh, I have time to do push ups later, this is important now.’ Oh well, hopefully I can do those two things I’m not terribly fond of tomorrow, maybe I’ll throw some pull ups in there and some calculus problems too for good measure.
Good Night,
J